that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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