Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
