Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
