singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love you. Go after that dick
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
