I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
