she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
