I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
