And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize