i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
