I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize