i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
