just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So many bounce houses so little time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
