apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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