got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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