I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
