____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
