I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
