I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
organizing the empties. That sober.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
