She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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