Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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