by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize