You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
