fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
