i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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