I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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