If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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