tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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