I just saw a hot homeless man
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
