cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
