Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
