I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The air taste purple.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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