Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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