we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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