Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
