do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I believe in your delicious
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
