So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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