Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
