sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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