Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
