How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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