you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why is there bacon in the couch?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
