'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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