rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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