do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
