Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize