I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
