That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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