We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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