a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
