i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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