Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
false alarm, still single
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
