i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
