A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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