I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
