he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
