I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
