yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
