gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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