i would punch a child for taco bell
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im part way to drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
