i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
