I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
