If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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