I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
