I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
