This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
